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Ten years ago, on 31st of December at 11:45 PM, I placed my very first, physical printed book on order for what was back then the former brand and title of this initiative. Humility through frugality.
Looking back here and now, I am sharing a little perspective or two. Here as summary, and the next as ten lessons in retrospect.
I should forewarn, that this initiative represents my views and opinions on how I myself respond, reflect and cope with challenges as they come and go.
Wish you all well, and here’s (hopefully) for another five years check point.
Live-It-Forward,
AW
Summary
Let me begin by way of admission. I must admit that I don’t speak highly of myself.
Part of the reason: much of the work I have done here, is still messy and incomplete.
I believe it is instead best diverting my energy to be as objective as possible at looking back, bleak or not, over the last ten years. And let readers piece together what they can (or cannot) think of the reasons why.
Let’s begin with some context and history.
1/4
The very first beginnings. What started all this. 2014-2016.
People these days (back then also) ~ expects monumental “rags to riches” story. Mine, is unlikely one that “impresses” or that of a shock factor.
As far as themes between money and health troubleshooting – I could stop right there. But should one is patient enough, I reward them my gratitude.
Firstly, let’s examine our current climate of “influencers”. All self-help / influencer channels starts from attempts at improving – their own selve(s). Then proclaiming their experience(s) as (in some way shape or form) a share-able wisdom.
NOT to paint any one criticism here. Mine was no different. But quite understated, surrounding finances and mental health, first and foremost.
Thereonwards ~ I was prepared and still is to this day, be judged by my circumstances as “normal”.
But it saddens me that people don’t seem to tolerate the “middle class” of any personal or historic struggles that are not “pathological” or not “severe” enough in their’s eyes.
Sure, I had legitimate propositions. Mindfulness, humble eating, followed by “frugal” eating plans. But that as utility soon wears off as just yet another pity soap opera. And sooner or later ~ my credibility then gets questioned, considering my industry’s bread and butter is polar opposite*.
*People love pigeon-holing based on job titles. If they find your LinkedIN® “hobbies” section does not align to their’s or common interests – eg. “seeing the world”, “outings”, “travelling”, “crafts”, “carpentry” on top of “upskilling” ,,,,then you’ll probably be told at some stage to remove them. If you find this strange, perhaps consider your experience the exception than the rule.
I could perhaps write something about the AS / Anyklosing Spondylitis considering the confirmed positive test that I do have a HLA-B27 following disc injury (L4/5/S1). But that, as I am thankful enough that it did not warrant their severity enough for me, at least not yet ~ warrants putting myself front and centre as a “campaign”. That would be grossly immoral, to those who do have the legitimate progression of the disease. Hence I decided to keep a low profile on this.
Despite all of that, amidst all these normalisation of “not poor” or “not bad enough”, I kept on trusting myself anyway to keep going. If you ever find yourself a vocation, an activity or anything than your line of work, that for whatever reasons you just can’t put into words, than feeling that this is somehow your “calling” – then you know what I’m talking about. You’d do whatever it takes, no matter how embarrassing, how laborious, to do this anyway. Somehow, you’d choose this over binging on Netflix®.
What was mostly a series of articles (back when I had my Squarespace site), slowly morphed to a questions meet answers mini book. Hand-bound, laser printed pocket “draft” in 2015.
A nightmare certainly from DIY perspective. Atrociously bad, writing wise too. The only thing worth going through trial & error despite all the waste – was the heat transfer cover via lamination.
Then, believing I could do a “lot more”. Why not push it further?
So fast forward in 31st of December 2015, the first “full” 200 page book was, all of a sudden ~ in front of me.
Then throughout 2016-2020+ onwards – the revisions that followed what became today ~ the first rebrand and retitle from HTF to Nutritional Humility.
Still – the embarrasments coming from the writings, despite thousands of hours spent – remained unimproved.
“This would never have been passable.”. “Nobody would read this.”. Self doubt / impostor syndrome reels in.
I kept going rewriting and revising where and when opportunity allow back then anyway. Despite six years or so amidst my own job and careers crisis. Leading to my own depression and anxiety.
The official need for rebrand
In 2021 a sombre realisation emerged.
I realised that “eating well”, within themes of frugality, whilst simultaneously also challenging antiquated view(s) in nutrition science and wellness – were in many ways, conflicting with the communally shared notion of “Humility”.
Hence, in 2021 I decided it’d be best to rebrand this entire initiative elsewhere more “progressive”. The tug-of-war, tribalism like mentality amongst dieting, nutrition circles could be at times, a little too much.
Hence I’d wager, the unspoken remaining undertone beneath every “health” or “fitness” success stories ~ lies in honouring the individuality in its pursuit.
As of 2023 onwards, I have decided to remove the downloadable book altogether from the main site.
And that as per history suggested was that.
Still incomplete. Work in progress.
2/4
Things I hypothetically suggest. Where and how it’s changed.
For context and reminder, much of the nutritional strategies throughout this channel revolves around Cyclical keto / Low carbohydrate with IF intermittent fasts. I implored this as a likely – destination. Not as starting point.
Some things I do occasionally suggest, broadly, just as examples among those who are just “starting point” ~ were typical in the likes of emphasising very high intake of fibres. But only temporarily to allow reflection on gut distensions.
Among the key ones that I would pay attention, experienced dieters or not – would be FODMAPs, fibre intakes, oxalates and more recently ~ foods high in Copper. Yes I suspect most would be aware of their topics, but perhaps one that obligate more attention would be copper particularly surrounding mental health.
Consider myself guilty, for I have on various occasions praised foods I thought as supportive. Avocados, spinach, dark chocolates, to name a few.
3/5
My own nutrition at present.
If there is one thing I took for granted was Nutrigenomics. The amount of knowledge handed to me in my 2022 report was quite significant that I encourage others to save up and invest for their own reporting likewise. MTHFR and COMT mutations? Yes I have them.
Food intolerances (FODMAPs) in varying agrees still matter. Xylitols and erithrytol in 99% of stevia products GUARANTEE gut pains and dissensions galore; throughout all fasting windows.
Fibre – as love and hate topic ~ have me neither convinced that less or more is better to me psychologically and physiologically. I would still likely continue periodising between none and low amounts. But not high. Why? fibre is one of those macronutrient, unlike carbs, proteins or even fats – that I never felt any inclination of a “liking”. That is, it is never something I’ve ever “missed”.
Plant based PUFA N3s aka flaxseeds do not sit well with me for reasons as I wrote in some occasions in the past Annual Food For Thoughts.
So what remained consistent? Eggs and gelatinous cuts of meats shoulders, legs, etc. Alongside their heavy fluids too, from pressure cooking as I find dry(er) foods less satiating. But I still enjoy simpler life surrounding microwaved minced meats with sauerkraut ~ hot, cold and salty together actually works wonders during uncomfortably hot summer days. Sardines, thankfully remains as the most affordable source of marine PUFA N3, despite being recommended Krill Oil supplementation which I do not, readily justify their high price costs.
What about supplements? Gone are the days of my fixating on micro specifics. But I still take them but occasionally as insurance policies. Betaine HCL + pepsin, few No-tropics – Gingko and ALCAR and anything fat solubles non negotiable – Vitamin D, E, K2 and COQ10. Minerals wise – on top of potassium chloride and magnesium flakes (I no longer think expensive chelates are worth it) – Zinc ~ as be an insurance policy against excess copper.
4/5
Looking back on my feature videos
For context, I have been using a very unconventional, “third person” method when addressing myself in front of the camera as “This Author”. Reason: my depression and anxiety (at the time) – coping via deliberate identity disassociation. However I decided to no longer use this method for its (obviously) frustrating listening experience. Hence, a conventional first person instead, was eventually resorted. For more details, please read this article here.
But, is there anything worth reflecting? Yes. Though only very few.
“Utopia as Dystopia?” was my very first attempt at viral video essay in the hope for additional views to my channel.
This video ~ was all that I could ever wanted to inform the reader. Harsh and as (fittingly) objective realisation of the world at the time. But on the flipside, I posited on things we can do, at least from nutrition perspective.
Perhaps cringe, poorly produced, or both. The three constant months- around-the-clock, no templates, all manually created motion graphics effects, transitions and effects.
Then, there’s the three part expired foods guide. This was, I admit, an extremely draining series where I had to seek and provide as many citations on the Science behind expired foods. Despite its own problems ~ the lighting / how I set up the scene for instance was atrociously bad as my own writing at times. Because at the time I had to make every bit of typography to stand out front and centre.
I could reflect on the more “usual” share(s) – frugal protein recommendations, day in the life(s) – including refeed days. But none as meaningful as what I made for in the hope that it can help someone one out there. That was, in actuality, a birthday present I was willing to do ~ sharing on what I’ve learned.
5/5
On feature article side of things.
My thoughts on the Mouse Utopia / Universe 25 experiment, defenitely stood out. With so many rewritings for grammar and readability*, this was my first emotionally-charged and “raw” so-to-speak ~ thought disclosures.
223 / Two hundred and thirty two revisions (for Part one). 173 / One hundred and seventy-three revisions (for Part two).
For the unacquainted – in late 1960s (very fittingly amidst rising cultural phenomenon(s) at the time ~ “Make room! Make room!” and “Soylent Green”) ~ John Calhoun, a behavioural scientist working for National Mental Institute of Health (NIMH) at the time – conducted a famous experiment to see the effects of overcrowding in as pragmatic timeframe as possible, which that of course necessitated animal models. Lasting between July 1968 to May 1973 – he built a “world” for mice where everything is as “perfectly” maintained a possible. From climate, temperature, with absolute miracle/s of all – no predators, and unlimited food and water. In one giant “apartment” complex.
So what I did I learn? A lot. There were so much I could reflect, but here I’m only providing three points.
Firstly, I believe it does correlate with many cultural niches of our times, mainly affecting men. MGTOW, Red Pill, Black Pill, Incels, “Rice-cels”, “Gymcels” to name a few (and also “looksmaxxing” trend which exploded around late 2010s) . These, from my view, are entirely letigimiate coping responses as one subsists within the predominant social support systems that is currently, or (arguably, one may have an ounce to say) at odds at one another. Any day can have me convinced we’re living in patriarchal dominant system. But the next upon looking through my Youtube feeds? I am seeing a lot more shorts on “men giving up”.
Next, beyond fooling ourselves that unlimited resources can do us “good”, is anything but “good”. What was left as far as food and shelter is provided, is our own mentality and from thereonwards, politics, hierarchy and tribalism. All these stems from inner, primal tendencies, that cannot be resolved by tangible hierarchy of need(s), alone.
Lastly ~ is the study’s reflection on sex (gender roles including child rearing) and reproductive behaviours. Suffice to say ~ being male and attracted to the attractive(s) of the opposite sex ~ the study does reflect my observations on real life, that it is a struggle more than ever for one to just “simply be”. All I could ever want to achieve in life was three things. Privacy, secularity, and autonomy to appreciate all that I simply, well, “appreciate”. I’d wager that it is our lack of empathy on the above movements as we see among our coping mechanisms we see above – from MGTOWs to Incel movements. We likely condemn, based on knee-jerk response only on the moral superficials (“You men need to grow up!”), rather than acknowledging the involuntary challenges structuring these individuals from accessing and maintain those three things. What I correlated these with the experiment overall therefore ~ was among the naivety seen among the Beautiful Ones (the last surviving mice who died alone, despite “beautiful” in their appearance but were in actuality – mentally retarded”) and how societal backdrop do not always give an empathetic eye. I speculated, that it is perhaps only a matter of time, that such a naivety may surface, if not already among cultures we often look down upon. Hikkikomori for instance.
Contentious indeed ~ but I have to end this just for now, for sake of decency.
Next feature writing that gels with me, to this day was my “thoughts on cooking”. I could also share these in some respect with my (neutral views) on Plant based / Veganism.
Then there was my personal, N=1 attempt at curating my own “meta-analysis”, drawn and subjected towards my own circumstances and condition surrounding the potentially lifelong – Ankylosing Spondylitis.
That led me to brief (but later forgettable,) obsessive research on Vitamin D then Vitamin A. These led me to concentrated mini projects on their own, that I dubbed together as “Self-Meta”. That is – “Meta” as in Greek for “With”, and together with “Self” – to metaphorize distillation of complexity, into one’s own introspection.
Sadly, that as much as I would like to learn the above feature has had to be discontinued. Because I could not spare additional mental fortitude, at least the time to patiently comprehend the nuances behind these subject matters.
Hence, there are times sadly one has to give up. Raise the white flag. Ego can only run so far, until it outruns you.
Conclusion (Part One)
If anyone has not yet “get” the message, the last ten years have gone too quickly for me to prove just how much work it takes, for one to “find our own selves” amidst sea of binary should or should-not(s).
I do not equate “Self-help” as anything straightforward or dare I say – logical “program” or “course” to help steer life “around” a series of checklists.
Why am I so critical of myself? Perhaps intellectual jealousy one hand, among “influencers” who have had things “figured out”. Even if I am not “good”, by whatever standards or heuristics.
I have many things, I am extremely grateful of. That I have a roof over my head, alongside my job. To an outsider’s eyes, I have it easy. Even though many things are quite shaky and/or uncertain.
Nevertheless, welcome to the Internet’s least visited independent thoughts on nutrition, health and wellness.
Live-it-forward,
AW.