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Ten years ago, on 31st of December at 11:45 PM, when everyone was partying elsewhere, caring less about new year’s resolutions ~ I placed my very first, physical printed book on order for what was back then the former brand and title of this initiative. Humility through frugality.

Looking back, here and now, I am sharing a little perspective or two. Here as summary, and the next as ten lessons in retrospect.

I should forewarn, that this initiative represents my views and opinions on how I myself respond, reflect and cope with challenges as they come and go.

As a result, people may view these as contrarian for narcissism sake. But I hope the message throughout all these years remains distillable ~ that I am simply human.

Wish you all well, and here’s (hopefully) for another five years check point.

Live-It-Forward,

AW

 

Summary 

I must admit I don’t speak highly of myself. Part of the reason: much of the work I have done here, is still messy and incomplete.

I believe it is instead best diverting my energy to be as objective as possible at looking back, bleak or not, over the last ten years. And let readers piece together what they can (or cannot) think of the reasons why.  

Let’s begin with some context and history.

1/4
The very first beginnings. What started all this.  2014-2016.

As far as coping within themes between money and health – I could stop right there. Partly because people these days (back then also) ~ expects monumental “rags to riches” story. This, was unlikely to be one of them.

All self-help / influencer channels starts from attempts at improving – their own selve(s). Then proclaiming their experience(s) as (in some way shape or form) a share-able wisdom.

NOT to paint any one criticism here. Mine was no different. But quite understated, surrounding finances and mental health, first and foremost. 

I was prepared and still is to this day, be judged by my circumstances as “normal”. But it saddens me that people don’t seem to tolerate the “middle class” of any personal or historic struggles that are not “pathological” or not “severe” enough in their’s eyes.

Sure, I had legitimate reasons surrounding mindfulness with humble eating. Then with the sample way of eating plans. But that as utility soon wears off as just yet another pity soap opera. And sooner or later. ~ my credibility also then gets questioned, considering my industry’s bread and butter is polar opposite*.

*People love pigeon-holing based on job titles. If they find your LinkedIN®  “hobbies” does not align to their’s or societal common interests – eg. “seeing the world”, “outings”, “travelling”, “crafts”, “carpentry” on top of “upskilling” ,,,,then you’ll probably be told at some stage to remove them. If you find this strange, perhaps consider your experience the exception than the  rule.

So that was one reason. Another ~came in somewhat later as several realizations. Firstly, the physiological “side-effects”from making changes to one’s diet. Most find this boring and quickly expats yet another Survivorship Biased channel. “I have conquered diabetes” or “I have cured my cancer”. Secondly – my first diagnosis of Anyklosing Spondylitis / AS  (by confirmed HLA B27 positive testing). Despite that not fully a confirmed lifelong condition (at least not yet), I am still seen as just yet another “normie“.

Tallying up all this, I decided, that amidst all these normalisation of “not poor” or “not bad enough”, among others obviously need not naming or blaming – I kept holding onto this side of “life”  anyway. Writing – on things others can relate to.

If you ever find something else (besides proving yourself ~ job tagline wise)  that has somewhat of an inkling of curiosity, that for whatever reasons you just can’t put into words, other than feeling that this somehow, is your “calling” – then you know what I’m talking about. You’d do whatever it takes, no matter how embarrassing the results you get anyway. I was in my late 20s back then ~ persistent and confident enough that I could see there is something very big.

So I kept at it. Writing and rewriting, what was mostly a series of articles (back when I had my Squarespace site), into a questions meet answers mini book.  Resulting towards my very first ~ hand-bound, laser printed pocket “draft” in 2015.

A nightmare certainly from DIY perspective. And atrociously bad, writing wise. The only thing worth going through trial & error despite all the waste – was the heat transfer cover via lamination.

Then, believing I could do a “lot more”. Why not push it further?

So fast forward in 31st of December 2015, the first “full” 200 page book was, all of a sudden ~ in front of me.

Then throughout 2016-2020+ onwards – the revisions that followed what became today ~ the first rebrand and retitle from HTF to Nutritional Humility.

Still – the embarrasments coming from the writings, despite thousands of hours spent – remained unimproved.

“This would never have been passable.”. “Nobody would read this.”. Self doubt / impostor syndrome reels in.

But I kept at it again anyway. Even if I was shockingly and still is to this day – poor at writing.

This was nonetheless, a reality I came to accept. Non obligatory, rite-of-passage so to speak among content creators. Grind, persevere, and be stoic at all times. The hidden / invisible grind to everyone else.

Whilst also – dealing with my own personal crises at the time. Long term jobs and career crisis. The depression and anxiety that followed.

Once again, nobody noticed. That – I consider a success, at my expense.

The official need for rebrand

In 2021 a sombre realisation emerged.

I realised that “eating well”, within themes of frugality, whilst simultaneously challenging antiquated view(s) between science, and philosophy – were in many ways, conflicting with the communally shared notion of “Humility”. Hence, I declared that official public notice in 2021  outlining my reasons why, in parallel to observation(s) surrounding nutrition, science and wellness landscape today ~ are as increasingly at odds at each other. Rightfully so ~ I came to realise ~ that they all perhaps fail to honour the user story stelling the first place. The need and acknowledgement for – Individualization from holistic sense. Holistic here in my view – psychology and physiology.

Selfishly, that is. For the self, by the self.  This I’d wager, remain the unspoken undertone beneath every “health” or “fitness” success stories ~ no matter where and what social media channel I looked at.

Hence, as of 2023 onwards, I have decided to remove the downloadable book altogether from the main site.

And that as per history suggested was that. Still incomplete. Work in progress.

2/4
Things I hypothetically suggest. Where and how it’s changed.

For context and reminder, much of the nutritional strategies I accounted throughout this channel surrounds upon Cyclical keto / low carbohydrate with IF intermittent fasts. I implored this as destination. Not as starting point.

Some things I do occasionally suggest, broadly, just as examples among those who are just “starting point” ~ were typical in the likes of emphasising very high intake of fibres. But only temporarily to allow reflection on distension and input tolerance. Think mega salads. But also never to shy away from fats and gelatinous cuts of meats. Back in 2018, especially when I began intermittent fasting for the very first time – I asserted that carbohydrates would have been necessary for both psychogenic relief.

However overtime, depending if one continues to willingly experiment things do change. And has to – change. Especially with intermittent fasts ~ what foods to use for breaking the fasting window 16, 20 or 40+ hours – becomes increasingly important for everyone to journal. Among the key ones that I would pay attention, especially for those who are already among veteran, experienced dieters or already practicing short and longer term fasts –  would be FODMAPs, fibre intakes and oxalates.

That – is where additional layers of thinking caps are a must. Consequently, any foods that was once “healthy” by whatever the mainstream – deserves their own grain of salt. For instance, I no longer advocate avocados, spinach, and/or heavy amount of leafy greens for concerns I just outlined above.

I could go on a bit further on niche topics. Eg from “boring” fundamentals – practicing self restraints, importance of establishing habits, and just general nutritional journalling. To the more controversial ones that which I rather not summarise here. But point here is – that Science requires consent for dissent. In doing so, I would have to face a lot of risk – for suspected losing decency among my peers. I live in a city where everybody just happens to know – “everyone else”.

3/5
My own nutrition at present.

One of the more difficult aspects being a content creator especially amidst multiple vocations and/or callings is the constant scrutiny of credibility. I do remain to this day, a proponent, an advocate for Cyclical keto + Intermittent Fasting. . But that is after years of trial and error. And never do I promote these in anyway recreational.

Through all these years If there is one thing I took for granted is Nutrigenomics. This reinforced me to understand the basic(s) yet most confusing aspect of Biochemistry – Methylation. The amount of knowledge or insight handed to me here, was very significant. Understanding COMT, for instance, compelled me towards insight that some “healthy” foods, chocolates/cacao and avocados only to name a few ~ can be downright detrimental. I am living proof and even willing to drown in my own shame for promoting these at one stage or another.

I have convinced myself on what worked and what doesn’t ~ albeit slowly throughout continued 18:6-20:4 fasting, exclusions and inclusions. Food intolerances (FODMAPs) in varying agrees still matter. Xylitols and erithrytol in 99% of stevia products GUARANTEE gut pains and dissensions galore; throughout all fasting windows. Plant based PUFA N3s aka flaxseeds do not sit well with me for reasons as I wrote in some occasions in the past Annual Food For Thoughts.

Fibre as a topic is a love and hate for me. It is safe to say that less fibre works better to me psychologically and physiologically. But I still do not and cannot undermine their trace importance(s), chiefly among topics garnering interest to me surrounding estrogen clearances – that appear to be exclusive among cruciferous vegetables. Again, the very same group of foods I have had more than twice approach with caution. Exclusion and reinclusions in form of intermittent fasts therefore, in my case – likely remains a long term practice.

 

4/5
Looking back on my feature videos

Is there anything worth reflecting?  Yes. Though only very few .

“Utopia as Dystopia?” was my very first attempt at viral video essay in the hope to obtain additional views to my channel. As a follow up on the writing of 3-part Thoughts series on the Mouse Utopia / Universe 25 Experiment.

Perhaps cringe. Perhaps poorly produced. Or both. The three constant months- around-the-clock, no templates, all manually created motion graphics effects and artifacts. career crisis going for many years prior (that I don’t talk about, for impartiality sake).

This video ~ was all that I could ever wanted to be – to inform the reader, as harsh of reality reflection as possible. Sombre nihilism, for what the world was and still is – heading for the worse one can wager for current and next generations to come. But on the flipside I also posited on things we can do, at least from nutrition perspective.

Then, there’s the three part expired foods guide. This was, I admit, an extremely draining series where I had to provide as many citations possible behind expired foods.

Again, an inclination and faith in me to keep going – was there. Despite its own problems. The lighting / how I set up the scene for instance – was atrociously bad.  I do apologise on this fact alone.

Then, there was a video I made for what I would hypothetically, in the best what I could gather scientific references wise at the time on what one would buy conscientiously for others in hard times. This was, in actuality a birthday present in form of a job. Still amidst my own depression.

5/5
On feature article side of things.

My thoughts on the Mouse Utopia / Universe 25 experiment, defenitely stood out as it highlighted many undiscussed sides of life. With so many rewritings for grammar and readability, this was my first emotionally-charged and “raw” so-to-speak ~ thought disclosures.

For the unacquainted – in late 1960s (very fittingly amidst rising cultural phenomenon(s) at the time ~ “Make room! Make room!” and “Soylent Green”)  ~ John Calhoun,  a behavioural scientist working for National Mental Institute of Health (NIMH) at the time –  conducted a famous experiment to see the effects of overcrowding in as pragmatic timeframe as possible, which that of course necessitated animal models. Lasting between July 1968 to May 1973 –  he built a world where “perfectly” maintained climate, temperature, with absolute miracle/s of all – no predators, and unlimited food and water – the perfect and harmless world so to speak all were provided for mice ~ in a giant “apartment” complex.

So what I did I learn? A lot.

Firstly, I believe it does correlate with many cultural niches of our times, mainly affecting men. MGTOW, Red Pill, Black Pill, Incels, “Rice-cels”, “Gymcels” to name a few (before “looksmaxxing” exploded around late 2010s, and throughout **VID) . These from my view are coping responses to subsist within the social system we have to date, mostly structuring reproductive rights towards, for the lack of “academic” lexicons – “access“, and/or “privilege“. We will get back on this later.

Next,  beyond fooling ourselves that unlimited resources can do us “good” is anything but “good”. What is left as far as food and shelter is provided, is our own mentality and from thereonwards, how politics, hierarchy and tribalism ~ still has to be addressed with caution. Here I am referring to cults, religion, or just social belonging  and/or groups in general – that they can all do more than just to “influence”. They shape, shift and even prohibit our very primal impulse(s).

Lastly? Is perhaps too predictable, but contentious given just how much the study also reflect on sex. Suffice to say that being male and attracted to the attractive(s) of the opposite sex ~ all I could ever want to achieve in life therefore was three things. Privacy, secularity, and autonomy to appreciate all that I simply, well, “appreciate”.  I’d wager that it is our lack of empathy on the above movements as we see it – from MGTOWs to Incel movements; that we likely condemn, based on knee-jerk response only on the moral superficials (“You men need to grow up!”), rather than understanding history and nuances beneath them. Correlating from the experiment  ~ masculinity still is prevalent among our standards and/or “models” for success in society ~ appearance and vanity – sexual or not, included. I would not be surprised, if the naivety among the Beautiful Ones ~  is more than correlating enough why these movements existed. The “members” within would do anything to justify their sense of belonging to such a group.

Contentious indeed ~ but I shall end this, just for now, for sake of fair decency.

So that – was my most significant write-up.

Next was my “thoughts on cooking”. Perhaps uninteresting at first, but this was an attempt on sharing my own little philosophy, not borrowed from anyone ~ as a counter response, politely that is against eating “raw” – raw plant based or raw carnivore, which at the time was “in-vogue” among the alternative health sphere.

Then there was my personal, N=1 attempt at curating my own “meta-analysis”, drawn and subjected towards my own circumstances and condition surrounding the potentially lifelong – Ankylosing Spondylitis.

This  led me to brief (but later forgettable,) obsessive research on Vitamin D then  Vitamin A.  These led me to concentrated mini projects on their own, that I dubbed together as “Self-Meta”. That is – “Meta” as in Greek for “With”, and together with “Self” – to metaphorize distillation of complexity, into one’s own introspection.

I had to apologise however, that as much as I would like to learn. My capacity, yet alone priorities elsewhere more epressing – could not allow me to spare the mental fortitude at addressing the behemoth of the subject matter’s nuance. Every sixteen hours out of twenty four, out of 365 days is simply gone to thin air – just existing, surviving, and putting food on the table.

My weakness is that I can only purvey so much from what I can relate by ways of analogy(s) where possible. In Biochemistry, such opportunity or avenue sadly, is very scarce. 

Hence, there are times sadly one has to give up. Raise the white flag. Ego can only run so far, until it outruns you.

Conclusion (Part 1)

If there is anything I want to implore as a narrative, is that I wish for a world to unconditionally acknowledge ~ one’s long list of despite(s). Obviously, that is wishful thinking.

If anyone has not yet “get” the message, the last ten years have gone too quickly for me to prove just how much work it takes, for one to “find our own selves” amidst sea of indifferences.

I do not equate  “Self-help” as anything straightforward or dare I say – logical “program” or “course” to help steer life “around” a series of checklists.

Why am I so critical of myself? Perhaps intellectual jealousy one hand, among “influencers” who have had things “figured out”. Even if I am not “good”, by whatever standards or heuristics.

I have many things, I am extremely grateful of. That I have a roof over my head, alongside my job. To an outsider’s eyes, I have it easy. Even though many things are quite shaky. And I have been simply existing, by way of coping.

Although I think, it’d be much safer and saner admission albeit a slightly jaded ~ that I believe we are all not “better” over another comparatively speaking – when viewed each other’s sides and backs, starting points and/or ends.

Nevertheless, welcome to the Internet’s least visited independent thoughts on nutrition, health and wellness.

Live-it-forward,

AW.